Living Your Best Life - Judgement Free

On this episode of Girl Tawk! Social Media Influencer Emonie joins Melissa Ann for an in-depth conversation on the complexities of dating, self-identity, and living authentically. 

This thought-provoking episode discusses societal judgments, the importance of self-love, and how to live unapologetically and freely in today's world. 

Emonie also shares his experiences navigating the dating scene as a gender-bender, emphasizing the significance of self-care and authentic expression.

Throughout this engaging dialogue, Melissa Ann and Emonie reflect on: 

• Overcoming insecurities
• Societal prejudice within and outside the LGBTQ+ community
• Finding confidence when it's difficult

This episode is rich with personal anecdotes, advice on self-discovery, and the importance of remaining true to oneself.

00:00 Introduction to Girl Talk with Melissa
01:52 Meet Emonie's: Living Free and Authentic
03:30 Navigating the Dating World
04:57 Emonie's Weight Loss Journey and Self-Love
12:34 Challenges in the Gay Community
21:27 Confidence and Pretty Privilege
23:16 Facing Insecurities and Self-Reflection
25:19 Manifestation and Personal Growth
26:44 Struggles with Body Image and Self-Worth
28:01 Navigating Relationships and Self-Respect
32:54 Overcoming Self-Medication and Embracing Life
36:06 Living Authentically and Helping Others
38:41 Challenges of Body Image in Society
41:35 Promoting Self-Love and Acceptance
44:56 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

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Connect with Melissa Ann on Social Media.

Transcript

0:00

I think in all aspects of dating, whether you're straight gay or, or bi, um, or whatever, you have to always make sure that, you know, if a person is interested, Really trying to get to know you as an individual or if they are really infatuated with the thought of you And so that is something that on my journey right now I'm learning of me first in order to see The difference between somebody that has a fetish for me and someone that truly wants to love me Welcome to Girl Talk with your girl Melissa. And I am so excited today to have in the studio with me. Imani, we're going to have an awesome conversation. I'm excited to meet with Ani today. I follow money on Instagram, love his posts, love, love, love, love his post. And so I'm excited to have him on with me today. We're going to talk about living in your experience without being prejudged. Right. That could mean really a lot of things. We in a we're in a society where everyone is judging everything about everything. You eat cornbread. Why you got to eat cornbread? That got that got all these chemicals in it. You don't eat cornbread. You should eat cornbread. You know, it's just everyone is judging a person on who they are. And one of the things when Imani and I were having a conversation that he said is, you never judge a book by its cover. And while that is an old mantra, it is not, it's so true today that we are in a society or we're in an element where people are just judging a book by its cover, don't even know the person. So we're going to dive into that conversation Love having a conversation with Imani just in the short period of time that we've known each other because of his free spirit. And so without further ado, I'd love Imani to introduce himself and talk a little bit about, you know, how do you live free? Well, thank you. First of all, Melissa, for having me. I'm so excited to be on girl talk, honey. Um, it is such an honor. Um, I would have to say what it means for me to live out loud and proud and myself and just being me, um, and don't judge a book by its cover. It's just honestly being authentic, um, in this, you know, world that we call like today's society. I think a lot of people are in a place now where you can be more free And open with who you are. And so in my, in my, like. I call growing pains. Um, the dating world is, it's crazy because now, um, it used to be taboo for you to be, um, as I would call a gender bender or someone that is, um, what's the word that I'm looking for? Androgynous. Um, so sometimes people don't know where to put you. So they put you in a category where they're like, well, are you trans? And you're like, no. And they're like, what are you? And you're like, I'm just me. And so I have. Learn to maneuver in in this society where people put labels on everything and it's if it's red, it's red If it's green, it's green. If it's blue, it's blue. That's what we've been trained to think But I living out loud and proud and in your truth in your authenticity What it is now we're in a place where people can be themselves and you don't have to put a label on it And it's a beautiful time. Um My dating life right now is so much fun. Um, I meet a lot of people that are, I would say a lot of men that are like, well, I mean, you are just stunning. Like you're beautiful. Like you, you, you like, what have you done? And I'm like, nothing. And they're like, well, I've never been attracted to a guy. And I'm like, okay, well, it's a first for everything. And I'll be honest, it's weird because sometimes people think in the dating world, when you are a individual that people think, You're pretty that things come easy as far as you know Relationships and you know dating but it's not easy because a lot of times you get weird Weirdos, let's be honest, like, so it's weird. Cause sometimes I'm like, all right, is this a fetish or are you really trying to get to know me? And so I think in all aspects of dating, whether you're straight gay or, or bi, um, or whatever, you have to always make sure that, you know, if a person is interested, Really trying to get to know you as an individual or if they are really infatuated with the thought of you And so that is something that on my journey right now I'm learning of me first in order to see The difference between somebody that has a fetish for me and someone that truly wants to love me You had to start somewhere to get to this journey. So, you know, what was your starting point to get you to where you feel this confidence now and this freedom? Um, I would say probably like when I was about, 33, 34. Like I went on a health journey. Um, um, I, like I, we talked previously, um, for anybody that knows me or that follows me, I used to be 389 pounds. And so my biggest insecurity was my weight. And so I always heard in the world in general, like, Oh, you're beautiful for a plus size person, or you're beautiful. And I used to be like, well, damn, like that's a backhanded compliment. Why can't I just be pretty? Like, yeah, pretty face. Like the rest of you is effed up. And that's how it felt like I was just a bitch. And like, you know, I was like, what is it? Am I just a tire? So I learned once I worked on me because sometimes we look for other people to put the work in for us on us. And what we really need to do is put the work in on ourselves before we go out to look for someone to love on us the way that we should be leveling on ourselves. Because if you love yourself accordingly, Then that love that you're meant to have will show itself and it won't be a secret. It won't be a, um, a second thought when people genuinely see your, your light shine and your energy is exactly what you need. Zooing out of you. It draws people to you. Sometimes it draws the wrong. Okay. Sometimes baby. It's like, it's like lies baby. Like, all right, let me, okay. every in a while you find a couple of princes, um, in that, in that bunch. So I am learning to sift. The bull. Um, but I'm having fun while doing it. I'm in a place now where dating is fun. Um, I don't look at it as something serious starting off. And so that's something that I had to learn.'cause I've all, I'm a Capricorn, I'm a hopeless romantic. To me, if you look at me and wink your eye and say you like me, we go together. Okay. I have to work on that. So, um, I had to realize that it did not mean that I had to give that personal, like part of myself to everybody. As far as if someone shows you some bit of affection or some, some gesture of kindness, it does not mean. they're the one. A lot of people like you here, you catch more flies with honey than bull. Yeah. If it's sweet, if it's, if it's, if that's sweet, you're naturally going to be willing to listen to what they have to say. And they're going to draw you in compared to somebody like, let's be real. We've all had somebody, Hey, yo mom, get away from me. Yeah. That's a, Yeah, like, oh, and that's my God. I don't even turn around. The grocery store and a guy, he walked down three at like, the first time he walked past me, I was like, All right, I already know what's going on. Because he was checking me out. But he was kind of like trying to figure it like shit. I'm trying to figure, like, is this a girl or is this a boy? And I'm like, baby, I already know, like, baby, I already know. Once you lock eyes with me, and you look at me more than one time, and then you, you kinda like, what's the, I'm like, yeah, nah, it's not for me. So I keep going. I get down the next aisle. Who's on the other end of the aisle? The same dude. And I'm like, alright, you know what? Just to have fun with this, I'mma turn my cart around and go the opposite way and go down an aisle that I know I don't have nothing that I want on it, just to see if he gonna follow. Who was behind me? That same gentleman. And the first moment he had a chance when our carts passed each other, he said, You smell good. I said, Thank you. He was like, You're welcome. What your name is? First of all, honey, everything else went out the window. I felt like Olivia Pope trying to find out a case. And where are you from? And so I'm at a place now where I sift out the bull. If I don't feel like in that first initial greeting, if something does not seem right, if something does not seem like, I hate to say it. I'm at a point in my life where I'm not trying to teach you how to love. And I'm not trying to like everybody, we all have to teach each other. I love language when you get to know a person, but I can just tell when someone's rough around the edges and I'm like, Ooh, honey, you, I couldn't bring you around my family. You forget that, you know, some, especially when you're younger, you're not thinking about, you know, all of the things like, okay, I got to bring, I could potentially have a child with this person, or, you know, am I going to be able to raise a family? Um, will my parents, when you're, when you're younger, you're not thinking about all those things. When you're older, you have a little different, um, line of sight where you are thinking about those things. And I think some people are stuck in the younger phase, even when they're older, and they, they forget about that. But you talked about, which is quite important, is eluding, um, exuding confidence. So exuding this confidence, um, which draws people to you, How do you do that? Like, you know, you're obviously beautiful, but how do you, how did you get to that point once you lost the weight? Was it just something that came naturally or was it always, always in you? It's just that you were held back because of that one factor. I think that it was always because I always had the ability to flirt. One thing I was, I was always a tease. I would talk a good game baby and then run off. Like, Cinderella when the clock struck 12, baby, listen, I'm gonna paint you a picture. Oh, baby And I'm gonna see you tonight and dada, baby, and I was gone with the wind fabulous gone, baby when I tell you I was like, okay, I'll meet you And I would never show up because My my downfall in my mind was always my weight. I always Because I wasn't comfortable with my skin. I just didn't understand that there's still people out here that can love you for who you are and no matter what size you are. But if you're not confident in who you are and where you're at starting off, there's nothing anyone else around you can say to you to get you to, you know, just connect with them on a level of understanding. And so I knew from just getting to know, um, Someone outside of my personal life, it would take a lot because I was scared to let my wall down. Cause I'm like, Oh gosh, if we do go to the next level and we get intimate, I gotta take my clothes off in front of this person. Do I feel like I'm going to be able to do that comfortably and not feel like I'm being judged? Like all the things that most people, I think we all think of certain things. Like everybody has an insecurity on them somewhere, but I figured it was just one of those things where I was like, Oh gosh, I don't find myself. attractive without clothes on. So who's going to find me attractive without clothes on? Or, I'll be honest with you, in the gay scene, um, sometimes in the black gay scene, it's kind of hard because we're so judgmental towards each other. Really? Like, let's just say the gay scene in general. Like you have the gay scene and then you have the white gays and then you have the black gays. And so in the black gay scene, we're very catty. We're very, Ooh, girl, uh uh, look, look, girl. Ooh, look, look what she got on, child. Look at, Ooh, girl, uh uh, look. She ain't got no butt. Girl, girl, she looks sloppy in it. Like we're very catty. And so you get, The girls, which are the boys that we call butch queens, they're very much into the Girl, look at her girl. She thinks she cute girl. Uh uh girl and they do catty things like oh girl Okay, we see you we see you. Okay And then talk about you. Yes, and then in the white scene if you are a gay black that happens to be hanging out in a Quote unquote white gay area you're usually stereotyped as either the oreo the token black or You are put in a in a position where they are always questioning like well We need your card to put it on file. If you're going to get drinks at the bar, cause we just, you know, we've had people leave and you're like, wait, what? You got to deal with prejudice. Oh, absolutely. And it's sad in that, um, even in the gay community. So there's prejudice within the gay community, but then prejudice outside of that gay community from those who aren't. Correct. Correct. And it's scary because, you know, The older you get as a, the older I get as a black gay, what I have learned is, you have to walk in a place head, head first, and you have to walk with your head up, no matter what you might think in your mind, you have to come with a confidence and an energy that outmatches the room, because when you walk in a room with that type of energy, like, keep in mind, my weight loss journey, I stayed away from the club for three months, And so when I finally came back on the scene, it was a drastic change. Like people were like, Hmm, you all correct. Yeah. You said you are, you want to crack, you know, package you and you and the gay community. So they immediately like, no, you know, no, she got that package, baby. And you're like, ah, no, uh, I have a Christianist. I'm working out. Like I got the sleeve, but. We just immediately think the worst. So a lot of times I think in those kind of spaces it's hard to sometimes date and find your tribe. And so that's why a lot of successful gay black people tend to date outside their race because they feel like they're not able to find their own soulmate in their own race. Which for me, I'll be honest honey, I love chocolate. It's just I'm that girl like baby. I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm gonna find my prince charming and he's going to be Baby if if he could be black as midnight, baby That would be my yeah, that would be my king but if he can't He can be caramel. He can be light skinned. I guess. I'm not knocking it, but like, I'm just upset. Like, I've always been attracted to darker men. Um, and so. Now some would say that's prejudice within it, within its own. And it, it's a preference. Like, I don't discriminate. I will date any color tone of black men. But my preference, like, what makes my knees weak, baby? Is a chocolate man. He does not have to be necessarily tall, but if he's chocolate and he's solid like nicely built and he got a beard baby. Listen, I don't hear nothing. I hear You are in Atlanta. Yeah. And so obviously, you know, everyone has always said Atlanta is Chocolate City is the, the, the, the metropolitan for, um, the LGBTQ plus community. Correct. Do you find that it's truth? Um, I find that it's some truth, but the issue with it is, again, the category that I fall in for majority of my life, like, especially now that I have, um, more feminine features, I get a lot of straight guys, bisexual guys, or guys that don't even know what they like. They just think they like femme. So they're like, are you trans? Cause I like trans women. I'm like, I'm not trans. And they're like, you're not trans. And I'm like, no. And they're like, but you got shape. Okay. I don't know what to tell you. It's just a mental thing that I think in the black community, it's I've learned in the gay black community, it's something about, and even not gay, but just in the black community when it comes to men, men immediately look at shape. If you have somewhat of a shape, they're going to look. Then they're like, oh, okay. I'm kind of with that. Like, okay, I like what I see. But the problem is they don't know, because of society, how to react to it. Like, I'm not gonna lie, I've met a lot of guys now that are bold. Like, they just walk up to me. Can I get your number? I think you're very attractive. And I'm like, okay, well, I'm a dude and you're like, okay. And I'm like, oh, okay. Like, cause you need to say that because I'll be honest. I definitely, because like I said, I'm a gender bender. So a lot of times I might have a Bob, I might have curly hair. Like you follow my page. So you see, I'm, I'm, I'm always done. I'm a doll at all times, even without hair, baby. They're like, ma'am, I'm like, thank you so much. I don't, I don't stand and go like, no, don't call me that. I'm okay with it. But I like anybody that finds me attractive, if they are trying to pursue me, it's my job to let them know what is going on because I would never want the, the, the, the mistake of someone trying to say they tried to kill me because I was, fooling people. And that's the problem with today's society. A lot of the younger youth and people that were in my age group that I know like are gone now because not necessarily they fool people, but because they were messing with someone that was down low and When that person, people started to catch on to like, Hey, you messing with such and such, you know that's a man, right? So you gay? They ended up hurting them and some of them died, lost their lives behind it. So for me, um, even though I don't, I live my life truly on my page. I say my pronouns, he, him, she, her, doesn't matter. But I let people know what I am born biologically because at the end of the day, people try to make excuses for anything, but I will tell you, If it walks like a duck and it quacks like duck baby. Yeah. It goes back to what we talking about, like living in your existence, living free in your existence. If those individuals who are on the down low, can't, they haven't accepted being free, right? And living in their existence. They feel like they're going to be judged for whatever reason and probably because of their jobs or whatever it is. So that to me is a them problem. It's not a you problem. I agree. I just always like to be safe in those places because a lot of People don't really give you the opportunity to just be honest with them. Um, and tell them like upfront, like, Hey, I, you know, this, that, and the third, like, like I said, a lot of times I, and everywhere I go, I get missed, man. Can I get that at all? And I laugh sometimes cause I'm like, babe, my, my voice is deep. And what? It's a lot of girls with deep voices. And I was like, I don't know, sis. I feel like my voice is real deep. She's like, no, you just sound like you might smoke a little. And I was like, Smoke Newport. You just sound like you smoke a little. Like I'm thankful that I, I, I say pretty privilege is real and it is. And I'm thankful that I am one of those that I, I walk anywhere amongst any group of people. Um, I traveled the country like for work and I've never been disrespected. I've never been tried. And I'm thankful. Yeah. People stare cause they're like, and I had to get used to the staring thing because at first I would get like, Yeah, they stand there. What's the problem? And one of my friends was like, you're pretty, you're very pretty. Like, I don't think you understand people are staring at you because they're like, that's a beautiful individual. But when you're not used to that staring, like when I was bigger, I blocked a lot of shit out. So, like, if people came across me and they looked at me, I would look down. I would try to act like I was in my phone. I would do anything. Yeah. Not to catch that attention because I wasn't sure they were looking at me because they were like, he's too big to be wearing makeup or same. Yeah. I've always been a big girl. So even In my 20s, I will walk because first of all, as a bigger person that I don't know if you experienced this, but you're teased throughout your childhood. Yes. So your esteem is all jacked up. So when you get older, you know, you don't know why somebody, are they staring at you? Cause they, they're picking on you or they're, they're about to, So I used to walk with my head down, like literally walk with my head down because of the lack of confidence. And if you heard someone laugh or anybody make a gesture, you immediately thought it was to you. So then you have a defense mechanism. Yeah. And then you looking at people, they stay in there. Why they keep staring at me? Like I was that person. And then I became the person that would try to like make a joke, like, child, you know, my big ass chair, you know, I need to get up off this floor and go down and I would try to throw a joke in there and pick on myself before someone else would, it got to the point where you don't realize that people see your insecurities immediately when you do those things. But like looking back, when I talked to my friends and family and I'm like, You know, I used to feel very like they, when I started to really come out of my shell after like three years, three years from today, my sister looked at me and she was like, you know, something I was like, well, she was like, it is refreshing to see you're able to stand in places and take up space and know that you are enough and you are meant to be there. And it made me tear up because I realized, damn, you think you're hiding. The feelings that you have not realizing everybody around you can see the pain and hurt. But you don't think that they can see it because you think that you're doing a good job reflecting or deflecting off those things because you're like, well, they can't tell us it's hard. You gotta be the jokester, you know, to feel your worth or the person, like for me, it was, you know, I was a person like, I ain't taking no junk. You say something to me, I'm saying right back to you. You know, that was the way I do. I think too, you know, you have to, people will say, Oh wow, Imani, that's a beautiful blouse that you have on your outfits. Well put together. You look gorgeous. I got this from the dollar store. Correct. Like you play you down, play it, play it down instead of taking the confidant. Yes. Yeah. And it was a long time where it took me a minute. I don't think until somebody like my, my, my clients start to shrink and lose weight through the process after I had gotten a surgery. And they were all like, Oh my gosh, you. I mean, you've always been beautiful, but wow, like, look at you. You really, you, you, you're doing it. You said you're gonna lose the weight. You said you can get your teeth done. You said you're going to like, you know, everything I manifested has happened. Even to the place where I'm sitting right now, this place was I walked in here and I was like, this is mine. This is mine And I can remember my real estate agent saying Okay, this you you sure you don't want to look at anything else? I had already gotten approved for three other like places and they were like we want you to purchase it This is it. This is it and I was like, uh I want to see, I saw a place online that I really want to see. And I told my real estate agent, you showed me this place online. I want to at least see it. I've always said, I want to expose brick wall. I want to live in the heart of the city. And so when I finally got it, it was another moment where I sat in it and I, I just cried because I was like, wow, manifestation is real. And so I tell anyone it goes back to You gotta love yourself first. I learned before getting to the point where I was taking care of myself health wise, I was working in a strip club doing makeup. I was making anywhere from a thousand to anywhere, almost to 2, 500 a night just making money. And sometimes if it wasn't a night, I might've made like 2, 500 to 3000 a week. But my thought was You making money. You ain't gotta, you ain't gotta listen to what nobody else says and you ain't gotta look this certain way Cuz you making money. You can buy labels now. You can throw something on you. But the problem was now I'm making the money, but I can't fit those clothes. They don't make clothes past certain size. So like, now that I'm over here like, well shit, I can get the glasses. I can get the bag, baby. I might be able to squoze my foot in a shoe. But those things were uncomfortable. Like, you know, I'm, I'm in the club with some red bottoms on and my feet are about to explode and well, and I'm uncomfortable and I'm still in the corner feeling like I'm not worth that moment or I'm not worthy of being amongst people. And when I would see a group of individuals that I thought was beautiful to the eye or to me, what I identified as beauty. At that moment was someone that was ideal shaped like the skin, like, Oh, they're skinny. They got a cute shade. That's how I should look like. That's going to be me one day. And I realized I had to stop looking at everybody else and trying to identify what I thought was pretty because what I thought was pretty, or that was Appealing was something that I was trying to obtain because that was in my mind. Oh, if I have a cute shape I'm gonna get attention. Yeah, I'm be honest now that I am Smaller I get a lot of attention, but it's crazy because the attention I get now It's still bullshit sometimes like you literally have to just no matter what size you are You have to love yourself so that you know not to fall for the okie doke because people would try they'll try to tell you Yeah, you look good. He like, thank you. And then you kind of like, well, okay, you said I was cute. But then right along with that, they think you're cute. Then they like, so I'm saying, can we, can we, you know, can we hook up later? Can we, what do I like a prostitute? You man, I'm clutching my, but I'm like, well, we didn't have to come home. Like when you put on a date and you already trying to get in my pants like this. That is the Atlanta, that's the Atlanta mindset. Um, Because, you know, there are some that will do it. So they expect that everyone's going to do it. This is the wrong bus to go around. You're going to be mad at me. Cause baby, every time you come over here, I'm gonna look at you and go kitchen clothes. No, thank you. Um, I have enough respect for myself to know that if I do decide to. Cause I'm an adult. If I do decide that I want to take that next level and I want to be grown, I'm still not going to choose that individual that is infatuated with me because I know it's just, you're trying to put a number count to what you, Oh, I had this person. I had that person. I'm just, no, I'm okay with being single. Like until the right person comes along. You know, that is definitely a separate conversation. I'd love to have with a group of individuals because just listening and to even The younger generation, their 20s that they said, that's pretty much the mindset of the men that they're dating is we want to bed you down. That's it. That's because we have all these artists out here like Sexy Red. Mm hmm. I hate to say it, you got, you know, what, Sexy Red, Megan Thee Stallion, you got Glorilla, you got, like, I hate to say it, a lot of artists that Talk about getting disrespected and beat up in the bedroom and then treat it like you're nothing. And this new age or not even this new age, cause I'm being real with you. I'm 41. It's some fools out here that literally come at you sideways, out the side of their neck. And you just have to go, are you dumb? Are you slow? Are you stupid? Cause I know you didn't just say that to me. And I say that to guys, cause you're not going to ever disrespect me and think that I'm going to be. Flattered or, Oh my God, he, he, he's looking at my direction. No, sir. That's embarrassing. When someone feels that they can ask you a question outright, just a question that you would be like, and do you feel like that would be appropriate to ask anybody? And they kind of look at you like, what'd I say wrong? You just disrespected me. And they like, I didn't think it was disrespect. I'm just, it's crazy. It is absolutely nuts. It's sad. It makes you look at them differently and you realize that ain't for me. That ain't for me. If that's how you look at me, we don't need to go no further. You don't even have to waste your time trying to call, don't call my name, baby. Cause I'm definitely a prostitute. I'm not a hoe. So, so you don't get your feelings hurt. And so that we're not looking stupid together. Gone. What advice would you give individuals who You know, want to live free in an existence with just loving themselves. I would tell them that the first thing they need to do is get a journal and write down all of the things that have hurt you. Wow. And work on those things one at a time. Um, that is the key to success. Um, I've had to sit in silence. And literally rip band aids off of wounds that I thought were healed. And you cry because you're like, damn, I didn't realize this still affected me or this bothered me so much. And you have to sit in it and it's not a, okay, well, I've done that. I'm good now. No, you got to sit in it and you got to understand it's okay to sit in it, but we don't like to do that because it's uncomfortable. Yep. It's very, you know, some people choose to self medicate. That's another thing. I tell anybody and everybody, like, I'm not gonna lie. I used to be one of the, like, before I got my job that I work at now, before that three years ago, well, actually, yeah, three years ago, I used to be a weed smoker, baby. When I tell you anytime, every time, like I would just smoke. And then I started to realize every time you getting ready to go out or every time you're about to, You know, go hang with friends. Why is it that you feel like you have to roll up a blunt and smoke a whole blunt or half a blunt to be numb to hang out with people? Either one, these are not your friends or two, you don't know what it means to actually enjoy life because you wouldn't be enjoying life if you're always high. Right. The high is gone so now you're just smoking to look stupid because you're sitting in a corner somewhere looking like a zombie with black lips. I'll pass. No, thank you,. That doesn't seem fun to me. Mm-Hmm. And I kid you not, this is the beautiful thing that I'm experiencing in this chapter of my life. The best thing I get every day, and I mean literally, if I could just walk with a camera crew around. At least every couple of hours somebody walks up to me and goes excuse me I I just love such and such on you or you are so beautiful or excuse me I love your haircut or I just what are you wearing? That smells so good It's crazy how energy attracts energy and a lot of times I'm just in my own zone, but I've learned to like detach from the world and enjoy the moment that you're in. And I mean, when I say detached from the world, I mean, not in my phone, not, you know, focused on, you know, social media. Like now that I'm living where I live every day, I'm off. I have vowed to at least if it's not raining outside, I'm going to get a 30 to 45 minute walk in. And so far this week, I have done that every day. And so self care is important and it makes a difference. And then I just had for my, um, dietician, um, nutritionist, I'm sorry. And she, um, you know, she was showing me my blood work and she was like, can I just say, she was like, um, your cholesterol is amazing. She was like, your blood works great. She's like, your eyes a little low. She was like, but other than that, everything is perfect. She was like, I don't know what you're doing, but continue to do it. She was like, it's working for you. Um, She's like, I think it's safe to say you have found a formula for life. She was like, and so it's refreshing to see someone that is choosing life over food, weeds. You know, um, unhealthy habits like, yeah, it takes discipline it does and it's hard. Yeah You got add some beats to your diet. Yeah, I love me That's increase your iron So as we close, I just want to ask you if you had to redefine, don't judge a book by its cover, what would your new definition be? At the end of every chapter, a new beginning waits. And that's, that's the best way I could say it because you really don't know the story. We get to make up our own story. So you can't, just because you read Little Red Riding Hood a thousand times. Who's to say that that new version might be different than the old version that you read? There's no rules to life, and there's no guide. We are out here leaving carbon copies whenever we get a chance, and we're blessed to like, touch people's lives. And so I would say, live your life, baby. Live it to the fullest and always remember you probably are beating yourself up more than someone outside of your, your, your perception of yourself is. I had to learn that because the way I see myself some days, I'm reminded when people say, you are such a beautiful individual, right? Damn. Okay. Come on out. Come on out. You gotta, you hear what they just said. So I don't know what you see when you look in the mirror, but you gotta put it on, put it on for the grand baby, put it on for the world. So. Yeah, I think too, you know, I've heard people say you are someone's dream. Yes. You know, you're doing things that someone else wished they could do, and you're taking it for granted. That's pretty powerful. Ooh, and that'll make you sit in your shit and go, Okay, let me, let me start appreciating where I'm at. Cause, like we, as we know, we only get one life. One. A sad story behind or you can leave an adventure behind and I'm going to live in adventure, baby I'm going to be able to say I walked fearlessly through this chapter of my life because I know what it's like to be on the opposite side of being feared and being scared and It's feeling like you know, you're timid and you can't show up to places real quick before we go That's something I would tell people stop doubting yourself because fear You will scare yourself out of every opportunity the world has to offer you because you are just in your head. Live fearlessly. And that means in every aspect, little things like I used to be scared to walk downstairs to go like grab something to eat. Because when I was bigger, I'd be like, well, shit, I got to find something I can put on where I feel like people are not going to look at me like, look at your big ass. Why you walk? It's sad. But we really get in these mindsets where we beat ourselves up because we see ourselves in a mindset, which people don't even, they not even looking at you like that. Well, I will say, you know, in this society, if you big, you getting the business like you, you read some of these posts, like with the comments in there, big people get the business. And it's crazy you said that because somebody I told and they did not believe me when I said this. There's a difference that people treat you differently when you are bigger. Because when I was bigger, I got, Ooh, the one thing that used to piss me off. Hey, big dog. Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, big dog. Hey, big fella. And I used to be like, Ooh, now, honey, listen. What rude is that? But you know, people do things like that because they're trying to get a rise out of you or they're trying to make you feel less than because they're like, Oh, you know what? Just in case nobody tells you that you are big as hell. But what I've learned is that now that I'm on the smaller side of things, like I wear size 12, not the smallest, but I'm smaller. I will tell you it's crazy how people do not treat me the same. I still wear the same makeup. I still wear the same wigs, but because people think. Aesthetically pleasing. I look to them now. They're like, oh yeah, you're trying to get it. You're like, they'll open the door for you. They'll hold the door. It's like being fat is taboo. Like that, uh, on the view said, nobody wants to be fat. Joy, joy, joy. But they're joy said that because they were talking about Ozempic or something and she was like, well, nobody wants to be fat and I'll be like, you know, you don't know someone's story of why, why they're big. It could be health reasons. It could be. Psychologically, you don't know, but to bully people and call them all kinds of names or even be prejudiced against them. Like you said, people do treat you differently and that's even in a corporate environment. They treat you differently because of your size. It's just not right. And it's sad because it is very, very sad and it's very, very hurtful to people. And so when you You talk about, you know, your self esteem and, you know, coming out of that society makes it tough because if you on the internet and you reading people talking about how fat is ugly and this and this and this and that, it is not always, you know, delightful. And especially when people just are just hateful and they, you know, I, being that I've been on the both sides of the world, like as far as being big and being small, That's why whenever I come in contact with people that are plus size and I know what it's like, and then people making, looking, like looking in the door, I go out my way as a flight attendant to give them the most love and the most respect because I was there. I know what it's like to have to use a seatbelt extension and the person you're sitting beside, they want to be rude. And they went, you have another seat. They just point over into my seat. And I'm like, how dare you? How dare you think that it's okay for you to make somebody feel less than because you're small. Baby, you're not that cute. Right. There's a girl on Instagram where she, she documents something about her recovery, binge eating recovery and the comments are just horrendous. Horrendous. Why don't you do, you should, you need, you need to mind your damn business and let that girl do what she want to do. Those are usually those are the people that are doing the most bullying. They do the bullying because they don't know how to, they're scared. They're not going face, but they get on the internet and they can, they can say whatever they want to say on the internet. And that's something that I always tell people, baby, my mouth is slick. You come to my page acting ignorant. I'm going to act ignorant with you, baby. I know. I've seen you go and go in on people. You will be the donkey of the day on my page. Imani, where can people find you and what services do you offer? So you can actually find me on Instagram, face the beat underscore. Um, and so my specialties, um, for those that are in this area or outside of this area, um, my specialties is micro shading. Um, as well as lash extensions and makeup application services. Um, I am, um, available for travel. I do private, um, services. So if you need my services, um, I can definitely, you know, you can find all of my information there on face the beat. Underscore on IG. Um, and of course my page is nothing but. Fun, laughter and knowledge. I like to introduce people into the gay world. Um, um, the ballroom scene, et cetera, and teach knowledge because health and knowledge as well. And so a lot of people that are not necessarily in a gay lifestyle or in the gay scene that are trying to understand, well, what does this mean? And what does that mean? My page is there to educate so that you're not scared because a lot of people are scared of the unknown when they don't understand something. They tend to be more accepting because they're like, okay, I can accept that because now I get it. And then a lot of times people come into contact with me and they're like, you nodded on what I thought. And I'm like, what do you think? What did you think I was? And they're like, I don't know. You wear lashes. You got makeup on. I don't know. I just figured you might be a little, you know, and I'm like, a little what, gay? So it's important to like teach people and to show up in places where people don't think you exist. Just to show them that we're, we're the same. You put your pants on just like everybody else. Yeah. Everybody else. Yep. So, I really enjoyed the conversation. I hope you did as well. I enjoyed it. I hope this will not be the last time I'm ever asked to come on Girl Tawk! No! No! Of course not. We will have you back again and again. I think I want to deal with a group of people too. Love that. We need to have you back for sure. Um, I really enjoyed it and I thank you very, very much, um, for your time. I enjoyed it. And as always, I see you because I am you.