Girl Tawk! Creating a Safe Zone for Our Young Black Daughters

In this latest episode of Girl Tawk! 🔊 “Creating a Safe Zone for Our Young Black Daughters" 🔊Melissa Ann speaks with Shae. She is a young black professional who harnesses the power of utilizing her "village." Listen as we explore the effects of being supportive, mentorship, and the power of manifestation. 💪❤️

In this episode, we: ✨ You're not too important to help ✨ Giving back✨ The crabs in a barrel mentality ✨The importance of lifting as you climb. ✨

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Transcript

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people can call me and I'll speak life into them. That means I don't, I don't have to know your situation, but I'll tell you, you're doing a great job. You're doing amazing things. Continue doing what you're doing. And so that's why a village is important because that village will speak life into you no matter what struggles you're going through. They don't need to know it. They'll just do it naturally. And that's the beautiful part about a village. Welcome to Girl Talk. This is your girl, Melissa Ann, and we are here on a Saturday afternoon. We have a new guest. I am excited to, um, have Shae join me today, and we're gonna have a conversation. As you can see, Shae is earlier in career, one of my young daughters, and we are going to have a really good conversation about. creating a safe space for our young daughters. So a lot of times our young daughters don't have support that they need, or they may start off with support and then that support fades and they have to kind of figure things out on their own, especially in an environment, in a work environment. And so we're going to have a conversation on what that feels like. And what are some of the steps that generations like myself and older. Um can do to kind of rally around these young folks and help them progress throughout their career But without further ado, I want Shae to introduce herself and talk about some of the things that you like to do Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And hello. Um, I'm so happy to be on this podcast and be able to share some of my knowledge. My name is Shea. Um, some things about myself. I love herbalism. I am an environmental person. I love getting out in nature, grounding myself. So hopefully I'll be able to share some wisdom about youth, my youth, my age, and, um, we just have a really good conversation today. welcome and I'm excited to have you as a guest and, and you, you kind of thought of this title. So, you know, creating a safe zone for our young daughters, because, you know, you and I have a conversations about. Okay. mental health and career progression. What are some of the things that you think young folks, your age and even below your age, cause you're a millennial, you're considered millennial. And then there's Gen Z behind you. And then I don't know who comes behind you, but what do you think some of the obstacles or roadblocks are that you're experiencing? I think, so like, when I think about those obstacles and roadblocks, like, one of the biggest ones I think is Us bouncing back after COVID, right? Most of us were like in the home, on social media, really immersed in technology today, but we weren't having the interactive aspects of it. Right. And so now that things have kind of opened back up, I think it's hard for us sometimes to be able to have those in person interactions. Um, and so I think that's a big challenge we face today. I know for myself, you know, I've had to evolve in that space, getting back comfortable with, Hey, when I see somebody in person. been able to have those conversations and just like, Hey, let's stay connected. Like, Hey, let's go out and have coffee again. Like going out and interacting in person again after the first initial interaction. I know I feel this for myself. I feel like we're, we became introverted a little bit. Do you feel like that has kind of what people have evolved into, like kind of introvert? Because reality is we were in the house for two years and you know, other than seeing people virtually like this, we weren't able to kind of connect with people the way we were ahead. Like, hey, let's go have coffee. Let's go meet up. Um at a movie or dinner or whatever whatever it was for two years like you couldn't see family members and so for me Um, I feel like I became a little introverted. Do you feel like that is what's happening in society? Yeah, I think it's a big thing. Like people have become introverted, but I think it's a two parter, right? I think one people have become introverted because as they sat in their spaces by themselves, they learn themselves more. So now having to reinduce it, Like introduce themselves when they go out is something that they're trying to feel, fill out and really understand, like, who am I and how do I show up now? Um, after being inward and really finding self. And then two, I think it's also others trying to get to know them. Like, okay, who are you now? And how can I better support you? Or what does phone look like for you? Cause I know like for me myself, right? Like when COVID hit, I got really into herbalism. I started taking a deep dive into my health. Eating differently. You know, I switched up a lot and my family at first was like, Whoa, like what happened? What's going on? Right. And as they saw me mature into that space, now they think it's beautiful, but I think it was a little scary for them at first. And they had to get to know who I am becoming and who I am today. Um, so I think that's why a lot of people have become a little more introverted as they try to fill out who they are right now. Um, after COVID You know, I was there for your journey as you started to go into the herb, the herbal, you would kind of, um, schooling me on some stuff as well. I didn't take your diet advice clearly, it's challenging. you know, I started this podcast, you know, during COVID, so I think, or the pandemic caused it. But I think, you know, people did find different avenues on coping mechanisms, um, on how to kind of cope with being alone or in in a situation that you weren't normally, um, you're not really fit to be in honestly. So when, if we switch gears and say, how does that affect you from a standpoint of what the, what our podcast is about today is creating a safe zone for our young daughters. Where do you see gaps there? Because we've talked through, you know, people have changed, they changed their mindset, right? They found themselves and maybe it is, they want to focus on themselves versus someone else. So where do you see some of those gaps? I think the gap is being able to have the ability of like, somewhat, it takes a part of discernment now, right? So you've had the moment of where you were doing the work, and now you have to apply it, right? And so, now as you go and apply it, It's being able to walk through the spaces and be like, Hey, is this person really supposed to be in my village? Right? And you need people that are in your village that are consistent. I think that's the biggest gap, right? Is a village is no matter what shows up when you need them to consistently. Um, and I always tell people like for me is the people that show up for me when I don't ask them to show up that matters. And I think those are the biggest things is when we look at those gaps. I think people sometimes get so Like so into themselves that they forget that other people are looking or need an opportunity when we talk about these villages. Just reach out to me and say, how am I doing? See how check on me. Um, and so for me, I think that has been the most challenging part as I go through finding my village is finding people that show up consistently for me. Now, I've been lucky. Lucky enough to have you right as a mentor. You've always, um, reached out. You've always checked on me and we have those heart to heart moments. Even when I dropped the ball, right. I can be like, I can be myself and be like, okay, I dropped the ball, but you still show up for me. And I think that's what makes me feel like, Hey, Not only do I want to do a better job of showing up, but also showing up for you and making sure I check on you. Hey, how are you doing? Um, I think that's what builds a circle, a well, a village, excuse me, is the consistency, but also the ability of discernment, really figuring out who is meant to be in your circle, who supports you for who you are truly right now at this moment. Um, because we all evolve, um, but it all depends on like those people around you that help you evolve and support you through your evolution. Yeah we carry over something someone said, you know, 10 years ago. And we think it's truth. So one of the things I think I said to you because someone said it to me is, it is, you know, it's your job, Shae, to make sure you stay in touch with me. But because I, for whatever reason, think that I'm senior to you. But I'm not senior to you, we're on the same path. Trying to grow and so someone had said that to me and I passed that on to you and then you'll pass it on to someone else and that's what the cycle has to be broken because there isn't, I should be reaching out to you just as much as you're reaching out to me. If I value the relationship. All right No matter if you're a vice president, a senior vice president, if you value the relationship with that person that you've been connecting to for years and years and years and years, and they don't, you don't hear from them a simple, hey, how are you is not going to disrupt your day. Right. So I think that was a very important point that you said, because I think some people. put themselves on pedestals and think that they're above someone like you because you're early in career when you're each going down a path and their path has to end at some point. They have to retire. So why not bring you on along with them and coach you? Do you feel like You're getting that coaching from, you know, not just corporate America, but any, anyone that's, you know, older than you, Yeah, you know, I think I, I learned that through my younger cousins, I'm a big, I'm a big family person. Right. And I believe like everything happens for a reason. And sometimes I feel like I have my most profound spiritual growth moments through my little cousins. Right. Now me telling them to reach out to me and call them. It never really happens, right? Cause they're like awkward, they're young, they're still trying to find themselves. So I had to, if I wanted that connection, I continuously reached out to them because they need it, right? But through those moments of reaching out to them, I felt so much more within myself. It was so much I learned from them, through like, them and how they see life, but also through like manifestations. So they really taught me like, it's not always about like, You know, feeling like, Oh, I'm above them. They need to reach out to me. It's about reaching out to them and checking on them. Right. Seeing how they're doing, but also just being able to glean some of the gems that they may, um, may be able to give me that I'm just like, well, you know, like most, how, why did you bring this into my atmosphere? Right. Because sometimes those are the, the most genuine moments of when you're just naturally doing something because it's like, it hits your spirit or like. Sometimes the best moments to really learn from each other. And so that's how I kind of picked it up. But I think it's a beautiful thing, right? When you could just reach out to somebody no matter where they sit on the totem pole and just have a conversation with them and be able to learn from them because it goes both ways young old. is very, very reciprocal. It goes, well, you can learn something from a baby, right. some people just feel like. It's just a dog eat dog world where there's so many crabs in this barrel trying to get to the top and they want to crush your claws and legs and arms and and step on you so that they are the first ones at the top and then look down at you and I think that is where we go wrong with our generation of young daughters because when I think about The, the young folks that are in my mentor circle, you talk about mental health. Um, sometimes your mental health is affected because you don't have the village and you're going through something that you don't understand how to handle, how to be a black woman in a corporate environment, how to be the only black woman in a corporate environment. When you have someone always poking at you, I've, I've had individuals that I've had to mentor in that fashion. And that really messes with your mental health. It does, and it's a big thing. And that's why it's important for, like, I'm so grateful for you. But I also try to realize my impact and how I can help others that may be going through the things that I'm going through. Right. I think it's important. It's like almost like a call to action for all of us, because you never really know what somebody's going through. And you never know how your experience can impact their life. So just having conversations like what me and you were doing, right? Someone will watch this and someone will have that aha moment. And then they'll go and they'll actively practice just calling and showing up for someone differently. Um, and. That would impact that person. So it's really a, a domino effect that we're trying to create or that we're trying to start up. Right. Um, by just having conversations and having consistent conversations and not feeling like someone has to reach out to you, but being more open and loving and say, you don't have to reach out to me. I'm going to show you that I'm here for you. And being here for you just looks like a simple, let me check on your mental health. How are you doing mentally? What does it look like? What battles are you overcoming right now? But if I don't even. Even if you don't want to show me the battles you're overcoming, right? Let me just speak life into you. I'm a big life speaker, right? So people can call me and I'll speak life into them. That means I don't, I don't have to know your situation, but I'll tell you, you're doing a great job. You're doing amazing things. Continue doing what you're doing. And so that's why a village is important because that village will speak life into you no matter what struggles you're going through. They don't need to know it. They'll just do it naturally. And that's the beautiful part about a village. It is. And like you said, well, you know, the biggest thing you said there was you speak life into people and you don't even need to know what they're going through. Just telling someone you're doing a great job. That goes a mile and a half and then some. When you just tell someone that's having a bad day, you don't, like you say, you don't know where they are in their day and you come along and you say, you know what, you're, you're doing a great job or something simple that we don't do as black women periods. You're gorgeous. Exactly. I think that's the best part about it, right? It's just small gestures or statements that go a really, really long way. that is a gap within our culture. Period right is that the, you know, there are, there are small gaps of people that are doing some things to, to uplift, but everyone is just really focused on climbing And on building as their climb. I really think the climbing is aligned to climate, right? The climate that we're in currently right now is very high pressure, right? And so, to take the pressure off of us, we have to really remember that we have to stop trying to climb, and we just have to start to climb. Come together in love. Like I think about it like this. Some people like, Oh, I want to be rich. I want to be all of these things. But even rich people, even the people up at the top still have moments of where they're unhappy. Right. I think like at my, when I think about some of my, my best moments in life, it was like sitting around my family, having amazing lives, having joy. And it wasn't about climbing. It wasn't about us trying to get it out the mud or us trying to be these rich or profound people. We were just trying to have. A moment, a good moment on another that was, it brought laughter and joy to our hearts. And so I think that if we take the climate and the And the climb out of the situation and we just have these moments where we say, Hey, the climate, we're going, we're going to pause it for a minute. And we just want to have a space where we really love on each other. We have good laughs. We have good moments because I mean, all of the things that we want in life, like the house, the car, we can't take them with us when we leave. So it really doesn't matter at the end of the day. But those memories, those memories last for a lifetime. I think about that all the time. My mother had me when she was older. So I make memories matter for me. Like they count big time. Like just having moments with my mom, taking her out, going to different events. That's what really matters to me. The materialistic things in the climb. It can pause. Yeah, that's beautiful. And it's a truth because none of us are promised tomorrow and making, like you said, the most of right now. Right. The most are right now. And so what about the fancy car and the house and all that is really powerful, especially coming from someone who's wise beyond their years. So, you know, remember I met you, you were still in college, you know, grown into this, you know, Very mature woman. I don't know if you remember when I, when we were first mentoring, I'd be like, don't say that word that way, pronounce it it was so much I was like, okay, I'm trying to I was like, let me make sure I look good present myself, you know, it was a it was a very high intense climate, but now being in a place I'm like, now I look at it and time has moved so fast. I've been out of college for almost, I think, longer than four years now. So, like. Wow, how time has gone and like my success journey where I'm at today, you know, that's why I'm always so grateful because you saw me when I was in college, right? You saw the O'Shea, well, the Shae's getting it together, right? And now I'm like the shade. I'm getting it. I'm in my stride now. So you got to see a lot of it. Yeah. That's, um, all of it, you know, and where the maturity from college and you were mature in college when I met you, but just watching your. Professional maturity and how you engage and how you're poised and speaking and all of that is really phenomenal. And I'm saying all that to say, what if there were more Melissa's and Shae's in this world? Like, what, how would that affect the mental health of our young daughters? How would that affect? the trajectory of our young daughters. I think it would, it would be such a big impact and it would be almost like an impact that I think even for ourselves, we could try to put a post on it now, but to actually live in it and actually see it, it would be something bigger than what we could actually, you know, explain in this space, this space right now. Right. And so that's why I think it's important that we have the conversation because it's the sparking, right? Because it's gonna happen. I believe in manifestation, right? So we manifest anything to come. There will be more Melissa's. There will be more Shae's, right? And I think once that happens, the world will be a better place. And it won't even be like, so we're talking about a women's circle, right? But I think women are like the backbones in every community. You know, and so if we as women can come together and have these villages and these spaces where we're able to evolve, heal and grow, then our children and their children, the generations will be impacted greatly. Um, so it will be a phenomenon almost. And so that's why I think even having the conversation, we have to spark it so that the torch can get lit. And then it can be passed on to the next generations. Um, and we can do some healing, right? We can take the trauma that may be sitting with each woman because we all go through trauma. We can take the trauma, heal it, and then we can learn and teach how to heal through that trauma as well. I'm going to say you damn right. But I think, you know, taking, you said something about a mouthful, you know, a spark, it has to be a spark. I caught, you know, it has to be really summing, summing it up, you know, each one teach one. But their strength in numbers is what you're hmm. you Yes if we all came together as a conglomerate, how powerful would that be? And I think that is something that you and I definitely need to explore on what that looks like. Um, and I think it would benefit others to join us. Oh, yeah. I would love to see that. I think that would be powerful. You know, having a group of women just be able to speak on it. I mean, that would change numbers. Like you said, unity is the biggest thing right now. I think it's just all us all getting together in acknowledging it and then building the space that we're speaking of. Right. Because then it allows us to have the space and really be able to dive deeper into the things that we may not see. Absolutely. You know, my mom always says two brains are better than one. Well, imagine five being in a room. I mean, some phenomenal things would happen, right? And I think, you know, this from your your own personal professional work, you know, we could talk about it all day. You could build strategy all day. But if there is an execution, it dies on the vine. If you can't have people that are talking about, yeah, let's do it. Let's build out this great strategy because I want to be the face and I want everyone to see look at me. but there's no execution. You're not actually, the heart has to be there, right? In order to execute. So my background was in hospitality and a lot of my time I spent doing a lot of studying in like the kitchen and being in the restaurant industry and then also doing the event management. And when I was in that space, one thing I learned is that the core, the motor that made it actually go with the boots on the ground, the people on the background who put the tables up, who made sure that the plates got to the table, who made sure the food got cooked. Those were the major players. And without those players, you really didn't have an outcome. There was no, there was no finish line. And so I always think it's important that we, as people, like you said, we just don't build strategy, we actually go into action and that action is what is going to be the driver and the mechanism that gets us to that finish line. Um, so that's the major, right? I never, and that's the thing for me. Building strategy was never something I was like super, my mom always, I don't know, growing up as a kid, I think being around older women, I was always a doer. Right. Like my mom will always tell me, all right, go ahead, get the plate set up, you know, we're going to cook a meal. How many people are we expecting? I did a little bit of strategizing, but I was always hands on. Right. And so that's always been my happy space. And I've always been appreciative for people that are actually action driven, because I understand that action takes a lot of effort. And sometimes people don't even have the energy to put the effort into that action. So for people to put That energy into it and get it done. I'm always grateful for those people. Yeah, because the executors are the doers. You know, you call it the get shit done crew. You gotta The executors are the doers, but then, you know, obviously you have people that build you have to have people that are build strategy Not everyone that builds strategy is a doer. That's why they hire people to do the work, right? But if you're you're, uh, you know spinning your wheels and building that strategy and you never you don't even have You A team to do the work it it's for not right. So, um, I think that that is incredible. So, bringing it back to our young daughters, such as yourself and below yourself, what are some of the things that you would say to not only your generation, but the generation behind you in order to progress and be as successful as you are. lead with kindness. Is the number one thing. Leading with kindness. Really understanding that everyone's struggling. Everyone's going through something, right? Um, my next thing would be. Show up consistently and earnestly. Like sometimes we won't be able to show up every time, but be just lead with that because we are all human going through a human experience. So it's okay if you can't show up every time, but be earnest when you can. And then my next thing would be that, you know, it takes a village, um, teach one. Um, if you share one piece of knowledge with one person, that person takes that knowledge and shares it again, it's a multiplier effect. So I think it's just taking the step, right? And start with your immediate people, people that you come in contact with on a day to day because it's important that we practice it. I'm not perfect. I sit here saying I want a village, and I want a space where I can cultivate and pour into other women, but. I know I'm human too, and sometimes it doesn't come out always perfect. So, um, just, you know, be easy on yourself as you go through this journey of really trying to inspire other young women and, um, it's going to get done, but it takes time and so have patience with yourself that's a good word. And. What are some of the practical things you do to practice that? I try to stay connected with my family. I try to reach out to the women in my family. I try to speak life into them and not even just the women, right? The men too, cause men need love too. Cause they go through their struggles, right? Um, I think it's just being kind and leading with kindness and bit and then having moments with yourself where you, Sometimes autocorrect yourself because sometimes I know I sometimes I get into my feelings and I'm like, okay, well, Sheila, you could have did that differently, right? Um, because you have to work with yourself because you're evolving as a person, but I think just getting out and applying it to the people that you come in contact with on a day to day basis, like your family, your friends, start speaking life into them. And then when you get that successfully done, then you go out into the community and you start to really show up in your community because your community needs you. If you're doing it in your family successfully, then you should do it in your community successfully as well. before we close, you do and you walk the walk. Um, so what are some of the things you do in your community? Well, right now I'm actually so my cousin and me are well, I'm supporting my cousin with her nonprofit. It's called Village of Hope. Um, it's a nonprofit community program that helps Children. Um, they do mental health check ins. She's a big advocate. She's very big on it. Um, so we every Friday or every other Friday we get together. Um, Children get to come. We do different mental health opportunities with them, like just checking in on them, talking to them. And opening up a safe space. And, um, that was kind of my first step into 2024 of getting into my community and being involved. And then I'm looking for other opportunities as well, um, that I can be more impactful. That's amazing. And then you do like. I know you do some work and it's not habitat environment, um, habitat of humanity. But there was like first time buyer, homebuyers, stuff that you're doing that you're coaching and mentoring people as well, right? That's correct. Well, I just did it. Actually, I just did a video on that. It should be coming out soon with Freddie Mac. Um, my mother became a homeowner, um, right before the pandemic. And I walk with her through that journey and my education where my mother came to me with the vision of wanting to become a homeowner. Um, I believed in her so much that I found resources that would educate me and my mother at the same time. So I am a big advocate on financial education. Um, so anytime I get the opportunity to share my knowledge in that space, I try to, um, and the biggest impact I'm trying to make is within my family. So really passing that knowledge on to the younger generation that's coming up under me, um, is what I'm trying to do. That's smart. Very, very, very smart. You are a phenomenal woman. I'm glad that you are in my circle. Um, any last words that you, you want to pass along to our listeners? Well, I have to say, I am so blessed to have you in my circle as well. Um, but to the young or just to other women, I would just say continue being amazing, continue being great. Um, lead with kindness and just know that everything is happening for a reason and it's for your better. Good. So just believe in it and keep manifesting, keep doing what you're doing. Believe in it. That's the, the key word that you were saying. They have to believe in it, right? In order for it to come to manifestation. So in order for it to manifest, you got to believe. That what you're doing is greater than what you see. A lot of times we see we're looking right in front of us, but we're not looking the circle gets bigger. You got to look beyond what's in front of you. In order to see the bigger picture, and I think that's where, you know, as younger folks, some younger folks don't think in that manner and get stuck. Yep. stop yourself. So, how bad do you want it? Cause you're your biggest roadblock. Knock down, knock down yourself. Second guessing yourself and get to the success. Get to where you want to get to. well, Shae, it has been a pleasure having this conversation with you. I have thoroughly enjoyed it and I know that the listeners will thoroughly enjoy it, and I look forward to continued conversations with you. Thank you for having me and I look forward to us doing this again. And as always, I see you because I am you.